Shopping time! Oh no!
by SibulaSiirup
Summary: Wich one is the hardest task for a single dad? Going shopping with his three kittens  it is rated T because... well, you ll understand if you read it  second fanfic! yippy!
1. Chapter 1

**second fanfic! this feels soo cool!**

**well, this fanfic is inspired by my dad´s troubles when we go shopping, because he has three daughters.**

**and because i loove Despicable me, i watched it for the third time this saturday! third time in three weeks! and everytime i watch it i love it more and more and more...**

**well, these are Gru´s adventures for the first time he and his kittens went shopping, and he is the narrator. **

**i dont own Despicable me, but i would love to own one minion, or Gru himself *evil laugh***

**and as always, read, review and enjoy!**

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Shopping time! (Oh, no!)

If someone could ask me which one is the hardest task for a single dad, I would immediately say one thing:

"Shopping time. It is hell! Do you know what is like waiting for more than two hours inside of those pinky boutiques, with presumptuous cashier ladies who think you have enough money for their ridiculously high prices?"

And then it would lead me to tell you the story of the first time I had to go shopping with my kittens.

It all started a Saturday. It was dinner time, which leads me to the 2nd hardest task for a dad: cooking.

I love cooking since I was little, because my mom used to forget that I had to eat 3 times a day. But one thing is cooking perfect meals, and other one is cooking frozen chicken nuggets and potato fries shaped as abc´s; because your kittens won't eat anything else. And of course, I had to eat them too. I hate to say this, but as the time came by I even started to enjoy those synthetic pieces of "100% chicken" with yellow dye.

Anyway, I'm digressing. As I was saying, I was unfreezing that plastic thing that is supposed to be nuggets, when the three girls entered to the kitchen, followed by 15 minions.

"Dad, we need to talk" Margo said, solemnly.

"Forr de last time: I won´t buy the real size chocolate unicorrn you saw on e-bay"

"Awww!" all the minions, and Agnes, sighed sadly

"Why not?"Agnes asked frustrated: "we NEED it!"

"We are NOT talking about unicorns, Gru. We need new clothes" Edith said seriously

And then I made a huge mistake.

"Whut is wrrong with yourr actual clothes?" I asked, innocently and I was showered with complaints:

"They don't fit anymore!"

"They are all torn"

"They look always dirty"

"Why can't I have the chocolate unicorn?"

"O´right, o´right! Shut it! I got it! Well… Agnes can wearr Edith´s clothes, and Edith can wearr Marrgo´s."

"What about me?" Margo complained

"I think Tim is yourr size."

"What? I won't wear a minion clothes!"

Margo looked at me, with her funny face of anger.

"Ok…" I sighed "I will send two minions with you. Now, get out of ma kitchen, you know da…"

"No! Do you remember what happened the last time they went with us?" Edith shouted dramatically, "they spent all the money on six different versions of_ Copacabana_! And they wanted _me_ to wear a dress! A _flower _DRESS!"

"I don't see tha problem wit dat"

"I DON'T wear flower dresses. I have my own style." She replied folding her arms

"Styyleee…" all the minions sighed.

"Come on, daddy! Can we go? Pleeeasee?" they all asked me with their puppy eyes. I can resist minion´s puppy eyes, but my own two kittens…

And I sighed again, there was anything I could do.

"O´right. But have your dinner first."

A tiny voice came from behind:

"Can I have the chocolate unicorn?"

"Nope"

"Shoot!"

And after dinner we went to the Mall. Agnes was holding my leg, but the other two girls, and three minions that came with us, were running from showcase to showcase:

"Oh my! Look at that dress"

"I know, it's beautiful"

"I love those shoes!"

"Dakaniya! Ooooohh! Dakaniya!"

"Daddy they are scary." Agnes said from my left leg

"Yeah, kittn, I know."

After half an hour of walking through the mall, they decided to go inside a frighteningly pink shop, called "The Little Pinky Princess and Fairies Boutique for Girls"

_Whoah,_ I thought, _I've got a new idea for a torture chamber._

And after less than 5 minutes, they had gone to the fitting rooms carrying their weight in clothes, and I was just sitting there, feeling uncomfortable with the affecting look of all the women inside that little store, and the sickly sweet smell that smelled exactly like my mother´s perfume, which made it distasteful.

Maybe this is the worst idea I had in my life, even worse than…

"Pitty?" a minion asked, pulling my leg, and when I turned around he was holding a pink dress over his body and smiling.

"No, you don't look prretty. And you know I'm not paying that, rright?" he sighed and walked away, dragging the pink dress, and almost crashing against Margo, who was running in my direction with two blue dresses, one in each hand.

"Daddy! Which one looks better on me?" she held one dress over her body, and then the other one. "This one or this one?"

"They look exactly the same forr me".

"Oh, dad, you don't know anything about fashion!" she complained and ran to the fitting rooms.

I sighed again and saw Agnes, who was very busy playing with her Little Pony's and saying something about chocolate magical unicorns, unaware of the pink madness surrounding us. And then I saw Edith, who was beside me with a big, big smile.

"Daddy… I was wondering…. There´s a girl who took the last makeover kit, and I seriously needed it and I'm sure she doesn't need it as bad as I do... So I thought you could maybe… disintegrate her."

"No"

"Ok, ok! Then could you just… freeze her? Please?"

"I won't frreeze anybody forr a stupid makeover kit, Edith" I replied. "Besides, I'm not buying a makeover kit forr you!"

"Why not? I'm sure you would buy it if it were for Margo" she said resentfully

"Of courrse I would. She´s nine yearrs old. You'rre just seven yearrs old."

"You are a bad person!" she shouted, and walked away stomping her feet.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm evil! I'm de worrst fatherr of de world! Despicable me!"

"Urgh!" she growled in the distance and locked herself inside the fitting room.

Margo came out of the fitting room and walked shyly in Edith´s opposite direction, right in front of me.

"What did you found, kittn? I asked her with my sweetest voice; maybe I had been too long inside that stupid boutique.

"Nothing" she admitted, lowering her head.

"What? This boutique is full of clothes, and you didn´t found ANYTHING? How is it possible?"

"Let's just look for another boutique" she replied.

But the story repeated for the other boutiques we visited. It was almost time to close the mall, and we had already gone to every girl's boutique of it, but still they couldn't find anything.

_I should have sent the minions_, I thought, when i was sitting outside of the third boutique we had visited today.

_I wouldn´t mind listening to Copacabana in six different versions._


	2. Chapter 2

**second and last chapter! im so proud...**

**well, continue reading, reviewing and enjoying!**

**i dont own Despicable me, or "Beautiful Boy" a song written by the genious John Lennon**

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Beautiful Girl

And there we were, in another boutique. And there I was again, sitting in this little couch made, judging by its size, for a three year old; while Agnes was in the middle of a passionate story of love, rainbows and unicorns.

After some minutes, she asked me to let her walk around the boutique, and I told her not to go too far off. She came back like one minute later, and asked me to buy a "candy balloon" for her

I thought she was talking about a balloon shaped like a candy, a caramel. And I thought at least it wouldn't be as expensive as the chocolate unicorn.

"Ok, I´ll buy it forr you, but wherre did you saw it?" I asked and she took me by the hand and leaded me to the store in front of the boutique where the girls and the minions were trying clothes.

"That shop, daddy!" she said, pointing with her little finger to the store where the "balloons" were sold

Oh dear….

"Agnes" I said, disgusted, "those… those arre not balloons."

"Then what are they?" she innocently asked and I think I blushed.

"They arre… well… they…" I cleared my throat like three times, but I didn't know how to talk about that with a four year old girl. "Ehem… yes! They arre balloons!"

"Can I have one?"

"Ah… you… hum… how much was de unicorrn?

"I don't want the unicorn anymore! I want a chocolate flavored balloon!"

"But these balloons arre ugly… they arre all… I can buy a betterr balloon forr you any day. Let's just forrget about this and…" I tried to convince her, or cover her eyes, or something.

"But I asked! The salesmen told me these were the most exciting balloons of the whole world and he told me he would show me how to…"

"Ok, that's enough! Go with your sisterrs RIGHT NOW! While I… buy… the balloon you want."

She ran away singing and jumping and I got inside the store, to the counter, where the salesmen was distracted reading a Playboy magazine. I cleared my throat to get his attention.

"Good evening, gentleman, welcome to the biggest sex shop of the tristate area, what do you want?" He asked without taking his eyes off the magazine.

I took the plasma gun from my jacket, the same I used to win Agnes´s unicorn at the amusement park.

"Yourr head, Idiot" I replied and shot, destroying _the biggest sex shop of the tristate area_

I got back to the boutique, told Agnes "therr werr no morre balloons" and walked to the fitting rooms, were the minions were trying different types of hats in front of the mirror, and Edith was separating the mountain of clothes into two piles.

"Look, Gru, I picked these clothes!" she said, and showed me the clothes of the left pile

"But they arre exactly like yourr old clo… I mean, ok! Wherre´s yourr sisterr?"

"Crying inside that room" she replied, pointing a wooden door, and continued separating the clothes.

"What? Why?"

"I dunno! She didn't tell me anything…" she replied, with a concerned look, and took me inside the room, were her sister was sitting on the floor, hugging her knees in front of the mirror, while crying.

"Edith, I told you I was ok!" she said, whipping her tears and sobbing "I didn't want you to tell him…"

Edith just walked away and I kneeled down behind Margo.

"whut´s wrrong, kittn? Why arre you crrying?" I asked her and she started crying again.

"Nothing…fits me!" she cried and I looked around and picked a mini skirt I would ever buy for her.

"Of courrse nothing fits you, Marrgo, these ar teenage clothes and you arre not a teenager. Besides, you don't need a brra right now."

She turned around and saw me with her big red watery eyes full of sorrow. I took her in my arms and cradled her like a baby.

"But all the girls in the school use them! They are twelve years old and they are always making fun of us, and hiding our backpacks inside the boy's restroom, and they always say I'm a miserable orphan and my parents hated me so they put me on adoption, and my dad is mad and Nazi!" she said, hiding her face on my chest.

"And a brra would have changed it?" I softly asked, because I really didn't have any idea.

She sobbed inside my chest

"If I were like them they wouldn't pick on me! If I were big and beautiful and wore all the clothes they wear then I would have friends!"

"You arre the most beautiful girrl of the whole worrld, Margo. Don't listen to them" I replied, remembering that when I was like her age, big boys were always bullying me, and everytime my teachers would talk about it with my mom, she would say "let him be bullied, he will grow stronger!" and that's why my elementary years I was lonely and miserable.

I wouldn't be like mom. I won't let any of my kittens being lonely and miserable.

"When we were little, our mother died and our father told us he wouldn't take care of little nuisances like us, so he took us to a mall and we were buying clothes. Edith was two years old, and Agnes was newborn. We were in one boutique like this one, we went to the fitting rooms, and when we came out, he wasn't there. He abandoned us! But you won't abandon us like he did, right?" she looked me in the eyes "you promised it! You can't forget your promises!" she cried

"I won't brreak any prromise I made forr you, Kittn. I… I prromise."

"But what if I'm not good enough? I´ve never been good enough for anybody! God, I hate myself!" she growled and let go of my arms

I saw her, without knowing what to say, something that was becoming normal today.

"_Close yourr eyes… have no fearr…" _I sang, because I couldn't think of anything better to do. And she just looked at me, frowning

"What are you singing, daddy?" she asked softly

"…_the monsterr´s gone he´s on the run and your daddy´s herre…" _I continued, ignoring her. And the three minions that came with us entered to the room and started singing with me:

"_Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful girrl… darrling, darrling, darrling, darrling Marrgo…"_

She saw us smiling and whipped her nose; "love you, daddy", she whispered

"So… which dress are you taking, dear?"

She took one green dress from the floor.

"Can it be this?" she asked shyly and I accepted, ignoring the price of it (50 dollars) "thank you"

And she went out of the room, joining her sisters and walking away from the boutique, with the moon shining above them.

Three girls instead of the moon…

yeah, it was a good decision.

In the end, the check was something like this:

3 pink dresses….64 dollars

A pair of purple boots….37 dollars

A smaller replica

of the chocolate unicorn….50 dollars

2 pink caps and

3 blue fedoras with pink feathers

(For the minions)…..70 dollars

A green dress….. 50 dollars

Another version of

Copacabana (karaoke)…..10 dollars

It was late when I was reviewing the check again, wondering how I was gonna pay it, when the three girls entered to my room.

"You know you´re not allowed here…" I chant and Edith came closer and hit me with a pillow

"We wanted to thank you, daddy, you know, for everything. And it's sleeping time, and we want you to read for us the third chapter of Harry Potter, I'm starting to love this guy, Voldemort" she said and kissed me on the cheek.

"And we also wanted you to see our new clothes! Look how good they fit!" Margo added and I turned around, to see my two kittens with their new clothes, and they were looking good -and expensive- on them.

I whistled

"You look verry good on that" I admitted "but you should be wearring your pajamas rright now! No pajamas, no Harry Potterr!" and they laughed.

"Hum… daddy, I was wondering… where is Agnes´s new clothes?" Margo suddenly asked

I shocked.

"Agnes also needed new clothes?" I asked with a tiny voice.

"Well, yes, you were supposed to buy her clothes while we were trying ours…" Edith replied as it was the most obvious thing in the world.

For them, but for me…

"But relax, daddy, we can go shopping tomorrow" Margo said, happily

What?

Shopping again?

Shopping again TOMORROW?

TOMORROW?

Oh, no…


End file.
